Friday, April 10, 2015

I is for "Inconceivable!" - You keep using that word

Today's letter gave me a bit of trouble. The only remotely fun "I" word I could conceive of was inconceivable. Not that you cannot conceive of the word. You know. The word "inconceivable," which is now one of the most recognized and smile-prompting words on the face of the earth.

But what do I write? Just a random string of quotes?
Inigo Montoya: That Vizzini, he can *fuss*.
Fezzik: Fuss, fuss... I think he like to scream at *us*.
Inigo Montoya: Probably he means no *harm*.
Fezzik: He's really very short on *charm*.
Inigo Montoya: You have a great gift for rhyme.
Fezzik: Yes, yes, some of the time.
Vizzini: Enough of that.
Inigo Montoya: Fezzik, are there rocks ahead?
Fezzik: If there are, we all be dead.
Vizzini: No more rhymes now, I mean it.
Fezzik: Anybody want a peanut?
Vizzini: DYEEAAHHHHHH!
I could do that, then we'd all laugh together, picturing the scene vividly in our minds.

Unless you haven't seen the movie a dozen times, in which you really won't get quotes like this:
Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.
Then I'd really feel bad for you, because I almost had the letter "I" be for "Inigo" instead. If I ever get a Spanish Mastiff, I'm naming him Inigo. 

Some quotes are fabulous for parenting, too!

Huh? Parenting advice from the Princess Bride? Absolutely! For example:
Inigo Montoya: Who are you?
Man in Black: No one of consequence.
Inigo Montoya: I must know...
Man in Black: Get used to disappointment.
That one is the perfect answer to so many nosy inquiring questions children have that you have zero intention of discussing with them until they're 30. It also works when your kid begs for a pop from the convenience store, or wants to watch a movie before doing school work that they "really set their heart on seeing before it gets returned to Redbox!" (True story - I usually give in to that one because I'm a lazy parent. That truth my make a letter challenge one day.)
Buttercup: You mock my pain.
Man in Black: Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something.
Yes, I sadly must admit to perhaps, just maybe, having mocked my children. Oh! The horror! I have to *read* something before I can play Little Big Planet on the PS3??? NOOOO! May be guilty of that a bit today, in fact. 

Then comes the marital advice: 
The Impressive Clergyman: Mawage. Mawage is wot bwings us togeder today. Mawage, that bwessed awangment, that dweam wifin a dweam...
And wuv, tru wuv, will fowow you foweva...
So tweasure your wuv.
Few years later:
Miracle Max: Get back, witch.
Valerie: I'm not a witch, I'm your wife. But after what you just said, I'm not even sure I want to be that any more.
Not that Michael would ever actually call me a witch, but the point is there. Marriage isn't always the "dweam wifin a dweam" when you lose your confidence after having been fired by Humperdinck, then your wife chases you around the house, yelling at you in front of strangers, mocking your pain. But hey, life is pain, right? 

But love is worth it anyway, especially if you can find True Love. 
Sonny, true love is the greatest thing in the world - except for a nice MLT - mutton, lettuce, and tomato sandwich, where the mutton is nice and lean and the tomatoes are ripe... They're so perky, I love that
So, if you ever find love that is almost as good as that mutton, lettuce, and tomato sandwich, you better not do anything stupid and run off with another, as we learn from that old peasant woman.
Your true love lives. And you marry another. True Love saved her in the Fire Swamp, and she treated it like garbage. And that's what she is, the Queen of Refuse. So bow down to her if you want, bow to her. Bow to the Queen of Slime, the Queen of Filth, the Queen of Putrescence. Boo. Boo. Rubbish. Filth. Slime. Muck. Boo. Boo. Boo.
What best ever quotes did I miss and what profound lessons can we gain from having the quote take up room in our limited brains? 

So, now you know what a blog post looks like when I run out of things to say! 

I know. Inconceivable! 

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